My love couldnt stop your rage

Updated: Oct 10, 2021

Often time I look back to a toxic relationship I was in, where I thought love was love, happiness was happiness, and loyalty took the place of reality. I think about the knight and shinning armour I thought I met, I think about the times that were good, the moments we shared, the laughter we had, the secrets we kept and even in those happy moments I still couldnt keep you happy. It was like anything I did or expressed was not good enough.

I think about how I was willing to give myself all of me just to you and even that was not enough. I thought about the isolation, the financial support I gave you, the endless love, encouragment, even dumming myself down to make you feel better and it still wasnt enough.

I finally got the courage to see, that this constant disappointment wasnt me. No, in fact it was you. Everything I wanted from you I couldnt fully have. My eyes were wiped clean and I could finally see clearly. I decided to leave. I couldnt take anymore the pain, the hurt, the bruises or the disrespect. I wanted, I needed to feel human again. The final straw was knowing that even with me giving you all of my love it still couldnt stop the rage you had growing inside of you.

I thought to myself, How could I not see that you were dealing with demons I could not handle, they were to big for me and certainly to big for you. Those demons made you into a man I didnt want to know. I often asked myself... who was I laying next too? Then reality set in. My love couldnt and wouldnt cover your rage, your split second thinking, your irrational beliefs, those demons that took over you. Queens love doesnt feel like rage. Love is a covering that makes you feel secure, that loves you back unselfishly, that never ever hurts, that wont leave you. LOVE is unforgetable and LOVE never returns back void. Take inventory, decide what love is to you and never ever settle... your happiness cant and shouldnt be compromised.

Until we chat again,

Confessions of a Insecure Woman!!!




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