5 Stage Clinger

Ugh... I have come to realize that I cant do the "casual" dating thing. I really get lost in la la land with men that clearly want to keep it casual "like how do I miss the big red flag"!!! I initially go into most dating situations with a mindset of "casual" but I realized that when a couple of things happen.. I turn into the 5 Stage Clinger! Ok I know your wonder what are the couple of things... Well I'll tell you... When he is readily available. Yep that gets me weak. I am not talking about just available by phone, I am talking about being available to every need and want I have. When he spends money without any regard for what it costs... just because he wants to make me smile. Yep.. the money thing gets me hot and bothered. I also realized that I like a man that is more than willing to cater to my every quirk and begging need. Oh yes that makes me weak!!!

I quickly learned that the men I was attracting were fitting most if not all of those boxes. In a nutshell I would lose my mind when I dated a guy that adorned me with gifts and lets not get started with Mr. Available and of course my all time favorite was Mr. BIG TIME showboat spender. If a man dropped a line like this "Oh baby you want these shoes, a purse and pay your car note" Hell Yeah why not !! and while you at it get my momma some cheesecake too!! Lol but these styles of men knew the exact trick to throw me off center. They read, knew and figured out how to use my love languages to almost blind me from seeing what was really right in front of me. I learned about the five love languages written by: Dr. Gary Chapman and if you haven't read the book it is a absolute must read. I have the ones I mentioned before but now I had a name for them and understood what made me tick.

I realized that I did not have balance and every time I had a man to check one of those boxes, I became a bit cocoa for cocoa puffs. Can you imagine how embarrassing that can be? I mean literally that reads to a man "buy me shoes and do what you want to me, I am desperate, I'll be here". Can you imagine going into a situationship thinking you have the upper hand and the tables end up turning... Now you are on the phone calling, being sent to voice mail and wondering if he is even interested anymore. What about when the text messages get shorter and shorter and your the only one reaching out. Wait a dang minute... Fool what happen to the time when you couldn't get enough of me and I was soooo important!! Damn it was when he bought the shoes, gave the cash, and helped you out with some gas. Now you den gave up that @$$ and sitting here thinking how did I let the script get flipped? How did I play myself and not even get more out of the deal. This is when reality sets in that you just been bamboozled yet again.

I took the time to learn me and when I did … I finally had less slip ups and more come ups. Remember men are into a challenge. STOP running your mouth, DONT let the obvious be obvious and leave room for mystery.... If he is interested he will definitely show it... If he is in for the long hall... trust the process and take your time. DONT BE TOO AVAILABLE, DONT THINK YOU HAVE TO ANSWER EVERY TIME HE CALLS... Show some restraint. Get to know you on a DEEPER level... But most importantly remember you are the GIFT … no one and nothing can change that.

Ladies, I challenge you to learn more about your love languages. See how you tick. See what matters to you the most and what are your triggers. Discover how you want to be loved and what are you absolute no-no's... Is he with the purse(think about it)? Is he worth your precious time? But most importantly remember you are the GIFT so start acting like it!!!

Until we chat again,

Confessions of a Insecure Woman!!


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